Top 5 Black Super Powers

And away we go again. Yet another Black person gets shot for dubious reasons and his slaying isn't seen to be much of an issue by our judicial system. The trial to indict Officer Darren Wilson went very much like the trial of George Zimmerman, which went very much like the trial to indict the officers who killed that cosplaying kid in Utah. This stuff reads less like a series of bad verdicts and more like an episode of ABC'™s How to Get Away with Murder. Step one: Establish fear for one's life by pointing at black person. Step two: Jazz hands.

However, rather than sift through the clearly made up and mostly ridiculous testimony like Ezra Klein at Vox did or talk about how colossally screwed up the trial was like Salon did, I wanted to point out a different thread running through all of these various incidents of seemingly senseless violence and totally nonsensical testimony. Black people apparently have superpowers -- and we now have enough jury-accepted testimony to prove it.

That's right: using contemporary news reports, and eyewitness accounts, I can prove that Blacks in America aren't actually human beings. We are jive-talking, shit starting, members of a race of Meta-Humans whose powers are as vast as they are varied. Some powers are subtle while others are so obvious it'™s a wonder how the mainstream media hasn't clued you into this. But here are the Top 5 Super Powers possessed by Black people.